Today's Letter

Dear Crazy Guy on BART,

First, I'm not sure if you are really crazy or maybe just a little drunk. At 1:00 in the afternoon on a weekday. Your eyes were bloodshot and you kind of over-shared in an odd, frantic way, still I was doing my best not to pay too much attention. I was actually trying to read the new 'Consumer Reports'. You may have noticed that it was on my lap and I kept glancing down at it while you were talking to me. As much as I tried to stay on point, I don't think I retained any of the product reviews. If I end up buying shitty toothpaste, it is your fault. And frankly, my teeth cannot handle the risk. But I digress.

What I really want to say is I know I may appear friendly and approachable. And in many ways, I am. But I don't do well with crazy. I do even less well, with crazy, that spends half their time talking about how their girlfriend wants to marry them and the other half of the time flirting with me.

First of all. I am tired of that tired old gender cliche talk about how guys don't want to marry and gals really, really do. It's stale, it's annoying, and I don't find it very accurate. Marry her! Don't marry her! Just stop flirting with me and let me read my magazine.

Also, while I appreciate advice that is helpful. I'm not sure you explaining to me that I have not ever been in love was very helpful. A) because I have. B) because maybe crazy people and girls on BART that try to read Consumer Reports just might feel love in different ways.

Still, you were nice enough. And when you said 'you don't bite' that was accurate. At least for the BART ride. And that's good. Because if you weren't crazy. Or drunk. And you weren't overly into gender cliches. And if you didn't have a girlfriend. And if I was even .05% attracted to you. I would insist on being the one doing the biting.

Now, leave daddy alone. She's reading about toothpaste.