Aloha Maui

How was my trip to Maui? Abso-fucking-lutely wonderful. I am a California girl. I like California. I pay the taxes and barely whine about it. But Maui? Te amo, Maui.

A good vacation is always enhanced by top rate traveling companions. For Maui, here is the cast of characters:

Trish, looking sultry at the condo welcome meeting

Karen, primping in paradise

Me, making random tourists take my photo

Maui, like most things in life, is best described in lists of small, connected, observations:

1) In Wailea, if you want the local valets to respect you, you need to roll up in your rental car, cranking the new 50 cent cd from the crappy stereo.

2) When on an all day scuba diving trip, it is best to wear five times the amount of sun screen you think you need and then reapply every 2 seconds. Am I right Trish, or am I right?

3) If you drop off your friends for their all day scuba, skin burning trip at 7:00 AM, you can get to Hana and back by 2:00 PM. Regardless of what the concierge and tour books tell you. It is important to get the other cars on the road out of the way so you can drive as fast as you like.

4) The seven hour round trip to Hana also includes stopping twice to take pictures, once for a leisurely breakfast and a short hike in the sacred pool area above Hana.

5) Mai tais are best when you float the dark rum on top and decorate the glass with a fresh flower. Of course, it is hard for the mai tai to be bad.

6) Pineapple tastes better when you make Karen cut it the fancy catering way.

7) The appetizers at Wolfgang Puck, Maui, are better than the entrees.

8) You are never going to figure out how to work the surround sound in the condo, so please don't waste precious vacation time attempting it.

9) They do make hula outfits for chihuahuas; don't give up until you find one.

10) Before you go to the beach, paint your toe nails bright purple. It will help you feel more tropical.